All Dogs Eat Poop

 An unusual event occurred in our house today.

Our dog threw up.

How is that unusual you ask? Don’t all dogs throw up once in a while? 

As a matter of fact, yes, all dogs throw up once in a while.  The fact that she threw up is, for her, somewhat unusual, but that isn’t really the unique aspect of the situation.  It’s more what she puked.

It was poop.

The stuff that’s supposed to come out of the "pooper" end of the dog rather than the "eater" end.  Which would indicate that the poop went in to the eater end after it came out of the pooper end.  This is disgusting.

Now let me be clear: I love dogs.  I think they are one of God’s greatest creations, and great companions to humans as a whole.  I’ve had a dog for most of my life, and they have all been good to have around.  But, being animals, they have some habits that my human sensibilities find…. Unfathomable.

Like the sniffing of butts and crotches.

Or dragging their butts across the carpet.  (“Hey stop that!  That’s disgusting!” “No, it’s not.  I don’t have opposable thumbs so I can’t use toilet paper.” “Point taken.”)

Or rolling around in really stinky stuff, and then running up to rub all over you to share it.  (“This smells SO much better than that stuff you put on, doesn’t it?!”)

Anyway, you get my point.  There are some of you who will insist that your dog would NEVER eat poop.  You are clearly lying to yourself.

There may be some nutritional aspects to this that I am not aware of.  Or it’s possible it’s just a flavor issue.  She seems to do it more after we’ve given her some tasty fish or chicken scraps in her bowl.  Maybe it tastes better after it’s had time to go through the “fermentation” process.  I heard an interview once with a fighter pilot who was talking to a newscaster he was taking up on a demonstration flight.

Newscaster: “Are there any foods I should eat or avoid before the flight?”

Pilot: “If you have to eat anything I recommend bananas.”

Newscaster: “Why bananas?  Are they good for motion sickness or something?”

Pilot (smiling): “No.  They taste the same going down as they do coming up.”

So, it ain’t bananas, but maybe it’s the same for poop.  I don’t know and don’t care to.

There are some of you who own cats and dogs in the same household.  There was a day when you wondered why your cat wasn’t using the litterbox as much as she used to.  There just weren’t as many cat turds in the box as you expected.  You looked around the house desperately trying to find the new spot she must be using to no avail.  You concluded the cat must be constipated.  You started looking at products to “get things moving again” to relieve the cat’s supposed suffering.

Then one day the dog looked at you and said, “Hey, just so you know, the cat’s ok.”  You accepted this as a true statement because the dog had kitty litter on her nose as proof.  The cat was as relieved as you to be spared from the approaching enema.

So, when the dog pukes poop right in front of you, it’s really better for you to just accept the clear evidence and admit that he did it, than to keep insisting he would never do anything so offensive. 

Dogs will be dogs after all.

©Dan Bode 2023