Dan's Thoughts: Kindness is underrated

I live with kindness on a momentary basis.

I decided a while back that kindness was a better motivation for living out my life than most of the alternatives I’d been trying up to that point. I tried anger, then sorrow, then confusion. None were satisfying, or good for my health, because they all take a physical toll as well.

I started thinking about this the other day when a lady cut in front of me in line at the store. There were two lines next to each other, and when the person in front of me left the register, she jumped lines right in front of me. It was so unexpected that I was a little confused at first. Then I realized what she had done, and I had a momentary flash of irritation. I was at the end of a frustrating series of events that morning so I was already a little tense, and I’m kind of a big guy with a resting face that I don’t think people find generally comforting. I started to take a step forward and opened my mouth to say something (it would have been a real zinger I’m sure), and then felt like God just tugged the back of my collar and set me back. We had a bit of a conversation.

“Hey, have you looked at yourself this morning?”

“I’ve been trying to avoid that, thank you very much.”

“Yeah well, it’s not your greatest look right now. Just sayin’.”

“Your point being?”

“My point being that if you’re talking to GOD like this right now maybe another human being might have some trouble dealing with that attitude, don’t you think?”

“Good point. Sorry.”

“Good answer. So, what do you think I want you to do right now?”

“Uh… nothing? Probably forgive her?”

“Another winner! Very good!”

“But I don’t want to look like a chump that people can just walk all over!”

“You realize you’re the only one who thinks that right? There is literally no one else around who thinks that. Everyone else who is thinking anything about it is irritated at her. She’s making her own trouble right now. She’s not even aware she did anything wrong. She’ll figure it out soon enough.”

“Got it.”

I’m always amazed at how much dialogue God can fit into one second.

So, I let it go, and felt better about it.

When I got to the register the clerk asked how I was doing today, and I replied,

“Not bad, how about you?”

“I’m doing well,” she said, “but I get a little irritated when people feel entitled like that one.”

(God: See? Told you, didn’t I?)

“I know, me too. I guess everyone has their issues. I just decided not to make hers, mine this time.”

In the grand scheme of things this was a very minor incident. A drop in the bucket of my entire life. There have been so many times in my past where I have taken some small thing and replayed in my mind to make a bigger issue, and then justify my anger about it because, “it’s the principal of the thing!”

I was stupid.

My principles are there to guide my life, and my actions. They are not to be forced on others.

When I removed the anger from my thoughts in that moment it created a vacuum. I internally expected some kind of response, so I chose to replace it with kindness.

And that made all the difference.

My body relaxed, my thinking cleared (because my thought processes were definitely muddled right then) and the rest of my day followed a much better path that it would have if this had not been pointed out to me.

I will be faced with these choices again and again. I hope to have many more years to practice. There will be incidents of far greater importance to use it.

I’m not saying that God wants me to allow others to walk all over me. I will always defend myself and others when necessary. We are sometimes faced with unnecessary, and sometimes relentless, cruelty which we must all fight against.

The questions this raises for me is this:

Why is kindness difficult? Why isn’t it my first response?

When someone is kind to me, it gives me joy. The kindness of others tells me that at some level I have worth in their eyes. It shows me that they are willing to expend some effort, some part of their own value, to increase mine - whether it’s someone I know well, or someone in passing who I’ll never see again. It comes with no strings, and at no cost to me.

When I practice kindness with others, it actually enriches me. If I’m kind to you, you are kind to another, and eventually it becomes contagious enough that changes can occur around you.

Our society seems to have abandoned any pretense of kindness for our self-interest. We seek justice for ourselves against those who offend us, but only justice by each person’s own definition. We easily forget that, from a Biblical perspective, justice and mercy are a package deal.

Justice comes with forgiveness. This is how we survive together, and yet in recent years we have chosen so many times to completely abandon any pretense of compassion, even within the church. We attack each other and end relationships over what should be simple disagreements which have instead been turned into life and death arguments. I mean, seriously, did you think if you profess love for someone, you will never disagree with them? Is that all your friends are: clones of you? If you only love those who are like yourself – well, maybe you should look up the definition of narcissism.

Who did Jesus argue with and attack? The religious leaders of the time who lorded their authority over those they deemed less worthy than themselves. The ones who effectively cut everyone else off from God.

Who did He love and spend time with and forgive? Everyone else. Every sinner who the religious leaders refused to see, or hear, or touch. The worst of the worse. The ones the Pharisees reviled are the ones Jesus loved. Me.

To be clear - He loved the Pharisees as well, but He hated what they were doing. He really loves everyone, regardless of how I or you feel about them. No one gets to be the gatekeeper for access to God. The application of that in real life is me being compassionate to those who need it, rather than only a specific subset of society that I somehow deem worthy. God is above our societal norms and traditions. Jesus never identified Himself as conservative or liberal. I think any label I tried to apply to Him would make Him roll His eyes as He turned to talk to someone I disliked or vehemently disagreed with the most (whoever that happened to be at the moment).

He asks us to love our neighbor.

“Who is my neighbor?” we ask.

He answers with the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37), and the neighbor was “the one who showed him mercy.”

He asks us to love our enemies. (Luke 6:27-36)

It seems ironic to me that no one asked, “who is my enemy?”, because we already have that figured out, don’t we? We seem to find enemies everywhere nowadays. All it takes is to find someone we disagree with.

He asks us to lay down our lives for a friend (John 15:13)

It stands to reason that my enemy, once I learn to love them, could be my friend, and then we may be asked to lay down our lives for those who were once our enemies. Is it really worth it to hate a person or group so much that it kills you?

He asks us to honor one another, and to outdo each other in honoring each other! (Romans 12:10)

Am I doing that? Are you?

I have in the past been rather politically “adamant” in my views. I went along with the group that held similar views who claimed we were “right”, and everyone else was “wrong”. Anyone who disagreed with any single part of our thinking was automatically pushed out in the cold and labeled the “enemy”. Because they didn’t agree with everything the other side espoused, they were not accepted there either. They were left to be victims in the crossfire of ideological warfare.

Because I am a Christian, I obviously had God on my side, so the people I looked up to must be speaking the truth. So, I prayed for the salvation of those "outsiders" so they would vote the way I thought they should.

But then…

I found myself examining what Jesus actually taught about how to treat others, and found some pretty glaring differences between His teaching, and mine.

I became more vocal about those differences, and many of those who I’ve known and loved for years, and who I still love, pushed me out into the cold “in-between” of their own fears where I had to try to protect myself and my family from both sides.

Ironically it was when I started talking about not hating each other, and loving our enemies, that I found myself pushed out of my "tribe". I have discovered – much to my surprise – that this is not the wasteland I was led to believe it was, but more like the “land of milk and honey” that I always sought. I just never really thought to look for it here.

I’ve had cause to wonder lately – if Christ came today – would we listen to Him and live as He asks, or would we crucify Him?

Listening to some of the things I’ve heard from folks lately who say they follow Him; I think there are many who might be willing to pound the nails. Because they don’t necessarily follow Him, but only their own idea of what He should be in their opinion. It seems as though many have given up reading what He actually said.

I think most of the people who say they would die for a cause, or man, today (other than our military and police who have already made that very real commitment), are lying to themselves and the rest of us just to try to drum up support, because they don’t really believe they’ll be asked to make that choice. I think faced with the threat of death they would change their minds in a heartbeat. They might be willing to die, or even kill, for their family, but for a mere cause? It’s just bravado.

Because hypocrites and martyrs die the same.

The sacrifice of my life guarantees no one's salvation. Are you willing to die for someone who isn’t even aware of your existence, and no longer be with your family? Are you that selfish?

Even my God doesn’t tell me who to hate, so why would I listen to a politician doing just that then?

You want a real example of sacrifice and commitment?

Look at Jesus. He forgave the ones who killed him. While they were killing Him.

I have found that there is an insurmountable difference between clinging to the Cross, and being the One nailed to it. And I so desperately needed Him to be pinned there.

Remember that it was His own people that He came to save that demanded that He die.

Remember all this as you seek to foment rebellion, all the while claiming to follow the Prince of Peace.

And yes, all this came up just because some lady cut in front of me.

Life lessons are everywhere, I guess.