Dependence

I’ve been learning a lot about the “D” word lately.
Dependence.
I recently had surgery on my right foot and Achilles tendon which requires a lengthy recovery period. I can’t put any weight on it for six weeks and I have to keep it elevated. This means that have to sit around with my foot in the air and let everyone else do a lot of the stuff that I would normally do myself. I recently noticed that the cushions of my couch are starting to conform to the shape of my backside. Of course it had to be my right foot so I can’t even drive.
It’s driving me up the wall, but I am very reluctantly learning a few things.
Allowing yourself to be served is as important as allowing yourself to be used as a servant.
Being served by others has forced me to recognize my limits. I’m one of those people who really just hate to ask anyone to do anything for me. I don’t like to ask for help. I don’t want to be needy. The real disadvantage to this is that all of us will eventually come up against some task that will overwhelm our individual resources. When this happens to me I then fail to fulfill my obligations because I don’t want to depend on anyone else by asking anyone for help in doing a job that was never meant for just one person. The task then remains incomplete or inadequately completed. The ironic twist in this situation is that the ability to depend on others actually makes me more dependable when a group of individuals comes together to complete the task as one.
This is the essence of fellowship. The members of the Body are supposed to depend on each other.
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” (Heb. 10:23-25)
We each take up a little bit of the slack in each others’ lives to make it less of a burden, because life is truly a burden for some. Dependence requires contact with others that prevents us from retreating into our shell of isolation that we are naturally prone to do, and which, by the way, Satan uses to great effect. Dependence allows us to appreciate the gifts of others. We see skills and abilities in others that were previously unknown to us.
This is also an area where many churches fail. We each see ourselves as caring individuals, and we see others as being just as caring. The problem is that we assume all of our caring friends are acting on their caring motives, while they quietly assume that we are doing the same.
And no one does anything, and a quiet sigh of lonely resignation is breathed over the phone that does not ring, or the knock on the door that never comes.
Waiting to say “Hi” to someone or pray for them when you see them at church is not enough. If no one seeks them out between Sundays there is simply no reason for them to return. Thinking good thoughts about someone does them no good unless I tell them I am thinking of them to find out what’s really happening in their lives.
Several years ago I read a news account of a man in Germany who was found dead in his apartment. The saddest part of the story was when they noted how they knew the approximate date of his death. He died sitting at his table reading the TV guide for a date seven years before the day anyone noticed he was gone. All that was left of him was a skeleton in rotting clothes. His monthly stipend had been automatically deposited in his bank account, and his rent automatically deducted. He depended on no one, and no one depended on him. No real value was assigned to his life by others so he was simply forgotten.
We live in what is becoming an increasingly “virtualized” world where electronic and social media have expanded our social “reach” by allowing us to communicate instantly with anyone in almost any part of the world. This is not a necessarily a bad thing, but it does promote an illusion of social intimacy that does not exist in reality. We need to hear a real voice. We need to see a real face. We need to feel the touch of a real hand.
We need to be familiar to someone else.
And the word “need” is correct. We were made to “need” and be “needed”.
The concept of “need” in human interaction is meant to nullify the effects of our inherent forgetfulness.
Dependence is a big deal.
It is a core concept of the Christian faith.
We depend on Christ for our eternal salvation.
Christ depends on us to carry out His desires here on earth.
But there is a world of difference in the type of dependence that is expressed in these two aspects of that concept.
Our dependence on Christ develops out of our inherent need. Our survival depends on the salvation that only He provides.
His dependence on us develops out of His desire to save us from ourselves. He calls upon us to give to others what He has given us to benefit everyone. He doesn’t need us to accomplish this, but He gives us the opportunity knowing that it will benefit each of us as much in the giving as in the receiving of the gift.
I have come to understand that my desire for independence makes me a lesser person. In terms of my faith and fellowship it separates me from those I need in order to be complete. In the words of John Donne,
“No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main”.
I cannot be an adequate servant if I am unable to allow myself to be served. I will never understand the needs of others if I only look at life through my own eyes.
Give yourself up.
Surrender.
Submit.
Be Dependent.
©Dan Bode 2011