So, a note of explanation: I started to post this a few days ago and then took it down because it just didn't "flow" the way I like it to, and it was pretty raw and I didn't want to overwhelm anyone. Then I realized that it's choppy because that's how I learned it. That's the way my life is right now. This is reality for me. Stuff hits me at random times that are far from convenient for me. I write the way stuff hits me - so this time you get the plain reality. It's ok if you don't like it, because I wrote it for me more than anyone else...
I know what Love looks like now.
Now, when I put my hand out to hold hers and there is no one to take it.
Now, when I start to put my arm around shoulders no longer there.
I was her person.
She was my person.
No matter what we dealt with or what conflicts we had between us there was never a doubt in either of us that we would remain faithful to each other. There was simply no other way to do this other than together.
In the absence of all the things that negatively impacted us I can see and better understand what the undiluted essence of that Love really looks like.
She is gone yet that Love still exists.
Love lives on.
Love endures emotions, events, appearances, and even death.
Love doesn't fail - we do.
Love is an entity that lives and exists independently of me. Whether I choose to allow it to live within me is my choice, but its existence is separate, and so it endures.
Love is a calling to which I am not now being called.
Regardless of the fact that I am not able or ready to express Love in the way I was taught, and which I fully embraced, I am still intensely aware of its existence, and it influences every aspect of my life now, probably to an even greater degree than before.
I cannot escape it.
I'm a fixer. I want to be able to correct whatever is wrong and move on.
Get through the pain, put aside the discomfort, take a deep breath, go on.
I can't fix this.
One day I blinked and everything changed.
I was powerless.
When Sue died it was as if a dam broke and everyone was so overwhelmingly there that my family and I felt nothing but comfort and grace. I literally felt as though I was in the middle of a room where I would have simply collapsed from a complete lack of strength, but I couldn’t fall because there were so many people packed in the room with me the simple fact of their presence held me up. That is love.
I never understood what love was until now. I still don’t fully understand it, but I know it is much more than I ever had any hope of understanding before. As my life is being completely disassembled down to the tiniest piece, when everything I thought I knew is completely redefined, even then I discover that my knowledge of love was only scratching the surface. In the process of my "recreation" I feel as though this element of love is being built into me at a cellular level.
I discovered something recently.
My heartbeat changed.
I have always had moments when I am still and my heart will beat so hard that it rocks my whole body. It doesn’t beat faster, but what seems to me to be four or five times as hard as normal.
More intense. It's at those times where I can sit and meditate on my own heartbeat and listen to how it works in exactly the way God made it to work. That’s where I became accustomed to the pattern and rhythm of my own heart.
Recently I had one of those moments. My heart got louder to me and I listened to it beat again.
It has altered.
There is a physically different rhythm than before.
My doctor checked it.
I'm fine, but I am different now.
This change is consuming everything within me and I keep trying to find a way to control something that is most certainly uncontrollable. It is a change I try to stop simply out of fear of the unknown, because believe me - there are a lot of unknowns right now.
Pieces of me are missing.
Regardless of the state of our relationship, or the emotions we felt at any given time, we still shared a rhythm. A connection whose existence I was never consciously aware of until it was severed. Every minute of every day is different now. The fabric of life has been completely unraveled, and is now being rewoven. Every single thing is cast in a different light.
Every. Single. Thing.
There is a tree I’ve been watching grow for several years. I’ve always seen it as having some kind of spiritual application, but I never put it into written words. I never expected to apply it so intimately to myself. It used to be an ordinary tree. About 25 feet tall, green leaves, sturdy branches, climbable.
Sacramento is sometimes called the “City of Trees” due to their abundance so this one went largely unnoticed. Several years ago in a particularly severe storm the tree fell over. It is in the front yard of a house, and when it fell it came down right across the walkway that led from the sidewalk to the front door. The trunk, now horizontal, was about 3 feet off the ground as several branches had been pounded into the soil by the weight of its fall. Some of the roots were sticking up in the air, and some were still anchored in the earth.
I would drive by this tree a few times a week, and each time I expected to see that it had been cut up and removed. It never was.
There are other ways to get to the front door of the house. I don’t know the owners so I don’t know their reasons for keeping the tree there, but I’m glad they did. After a while they put a swing on one of the branches. It was now the perfect height for it. As more time went by, and I continued to watch, the tree passed through the seasons.
And it grew.
The branches that had pierced the soil when it fell became roots.
The roots that were now exposed to the air became branches and grew leaves.
It continued to do what it was created to do.
It is still a tree, but different.
Everything about it has fundamentally changed, and yet it thrives.
Like that tree I am forced now to grow in ways that are alien to me.
It hurts.
But it heals too.
While some pieces are missing other pieces are reforming to heal those wounds.
Like the tree I pursue the same purpose, but in a crucially different way.
It is simultaneously terrible, and glorious.
I do not control my life, but I do control my decisions in light of the events that occur within it.
God is not complacent, and He does not expect me to be either.
His unfailing love for me is an active, living thing.
There is more to this life than I will ever know.
©Dan Bode 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Barabbas: The One They Wanted
“Which of the
two do you want me to release to you?" asked the governor.
"Barabbas," they answered. Matt. 27:21
"Barabbas," they answered. Matt. 27:21
We always settle for so much less. They could have had the Savior and they chose
the criminal instead.
What did they get for their trouble?
The name "Barabbas" is significant. The pre-fix “Bar” means “son of”.
“Abbas” was the name often used to address a priest or
rabbi. It also means "Father".
It seems oddly symbolic to me that one whose name literally
meant "Son of the father" was exchanged for "The Son of The Father".
I believe there is a distinct possibility that Barabbas was
the son of a priest. I wonder if his
father was among those inciting the crowd against Jesus? What lengths would a father go to in order to
save his son?
“Please ask for my son!
This Jesus is upsetting our entire nation, but my son has killed only a
few! It will be better to be rid of this
one who foments rebellion! He's just a
carpenter's son! What is He worth to us?
Please, you know me, Barabbas is my
son!”
What person, if they were any kind of good parent, would not
ask to save their own child?
It's easy for me to look back and call them all fools for
giving Him up.
I know who He is now, but there was a time...
There was a time when I cared little and less for Him. There was a time when I would have been one
of the crowd screaming the name of "Barabbas" in foaming rage instead
of the name of "Jesus" in quiet reverence.
There was a time in my life, that I now shudder to remember,
when Jesus was just an inconvenience.
And what of Barabbas?
What did he think of his good fortune?
Did he ever see the face of the one for whom he was
exchanged?
Did he ever understand that Christ literally died in his stead?
Did he change, or simply return to a criminal life?
Did the sacrifice of Christ make any difference to him?
Does it for you?
But what true parent among us could possibly make the choice
to sacrifice one child to save another?
I couldn't. I have no
means to determine which would live or die.
I would die myself before making that choice.
God does.
He made that choice.
So Jesus was the One
of us that died for all of us.
The Best of us, for the rest of us.
God knows how much He loves us.
The sacrifice He made was far more brutal for Him than for
us.
We are merely spectators to His actions, but we are invited
to be participants.
There are many roles in this drama.
Pilate.
Peter.
Mary.
John.
The priests.
The crowd who hated Him.
The crowd who adored Him.
Barabbas.
Judas.
Many more.
When Easter comes around which one will you choose?
Will you be the one they
want, or the one He wants?
©Dan Bode 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Being Holy
"You shall Be holy as I am holy."
What is it to be like God?
There are times when I feel Him so clearly it's like lightning running through my veins. But there are other times when my blood is my own and I plod through life as though I were alone.
He calls me to share His glory. He calls me to be used to my greatest potential in those very times when I feel Him the least. In my weakest He is strong, and so I am strong.
My memory of Him must be my reality in those times of His seeming absence.
God showed me how to be like Him by becoming like me.
Christ wore flesh like mine.
He knew the absence of God.
Suspended there that day between earth and sky, He knew.
He knows it now.
"I created you to be able to be like Me. To reflect the light of My presence in the dark places you go. I know the reality you face every day. That's exactly why I call you to be like me. It's the only way you'll survive. It's the armor you need. Just because you may feel alone does not make it true."
It's Palm Sunday. He's almost there. People adore Him when they think they will get what they want from Him, but we forget that He has already become like us.
We forget He already knows what we want, as well as the truth of what we need.
It's my turn now.
I am a vessel, into which He has poured His blood, His Life.
I am His son, as He is my Father.
Even if I become so short sighted that I can't see Him in front of me I can still see well enough to follow His bloody footprints that show me where I need to go. The scary part is that when I put my foot in His footprints - they match.
This day begins the final approach to Easter. Our proof of the hope of new life.
Easter was a conscious act of God to bring all the power of Heaven to bear on my own soul and yours.
The hope of Resurrection means more now than I ever thought it could.
It's not what I feel anymore.
It's what I know.
©Dan Bode 2012
What is it to be like God?
There are times when I feel Him so clearly it's like lightning running through my veins. But there are other times when my blood is my own and I plod through life as though I were alone.
He calls me to share His glory. He calls me to be used to my greatest potential in those very times when I feel Him the least. In my weakest He is strong, and so I am strong.
My memory of Him must be my reality in those times of His seeming absence.
God showed me how to be like Him by becoming like me.
Christ wore flesh like mine.
He knew the absence of God.
Suspended there that day between earth and sky, He knew.
He knows it now.
"I created you to be able to be like Me. To reflect the light of My presence in the dark places you go. I know the reality you face every day. That's exactly why I call you to be like me. It's the only way you'll survive. It's the armor you need. Just because you may feel alone does not make it true."
It's Palm Sunday. He's almost there. People adore Him when they think they will get what they want from Him, but we forget that He has already become like us.
We forget He already knows what we want, as well as the truth of what we need.
It's my turn now.
I am a vessel, into which He has poured His blood, His Life.
I am His son, as He is my Father.
Even if I become so short sighted that I can't see Him in front of me I can still see well enough to follow His bloody footprints that show me where I need to go. The scary part is that when I put my foot in His footprints - they match.
This day begins the final approach to Easter. Our proof of the hope of new life.
Easter was a conscious act of God to bring all the power of Heaven to bear on my own soul and yours.
The hope of Resurrection means more now than I ever thought it could.
It's not what I feel anymore.
It's what I know.
©Dan Bode 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Dust and Ashes
Dying is a lot of work.
I know this to be true.
I know because my wife died on December 31st. She took her own life when she lost hope. She did not die happy, although I know that she is happy now. I know this because she knew a risen Lord who promised her peace, and He always keeps His promises.
When someone dies they leave behind a lot of stuff. Some things that others will find useful and some no one will know what to do with. All of them held some significance to a life now absent here, and it is up to those of us who remain to sift through them all to understand their value.
A prominent aspect of going through all this is dealing with all the accumulated dust that coats anything left untouched for a significant period.
Dust has a purpose. It marks the passage of time, and movement, or lack of it, regarding the things we hold on to. I wonder sometimes if in some way it even has preservative qualities since there’s often so much of it.
There are things on shelves up too high to be easily seen or reached, and therefore summarily forgotten. There are things in the dark corners of the closets similarly removed from our normal range of senses. There are some things you can’t believe you’ve forgotten, and some things you wish you didn’t have to recall.
And then there are the ashes.
The last vestiges of the physical form.
We spread the ashes at an island where she last seemed truly happy. The waters took her on the tides, and she was really gone. Human ashes are different from what I expected. They are white and granular and they don’t really dissolve as I expected them to. They formed a cloud in the water when I poured them, almost as if she was hesitant to leave. I think it was in that moment that I discovered that I loved her more than I thought.
The last few years of our life together were marked by a steady decline in her mental and emotional state that led to a lot of acrimony. Her life was difficult at best. She suffered from many ailments both real and imagined. At the end nothing I did to help was helping her, and she would do nothing to help herself. Her doctor’s ran every test they could and came up empty.
To be completely honest it was often difficult to say we liked each other, but we both understood the meaning of 1Corinthians 13 when, in describing the qualities of love, Paul says that, “Love endures,...Love never fails”. We always loved each other.
Real love defies the logic of this world. Real love has never been about meeting my own needs. It could never survive any conflict if it was. Real Love, as God created it, is meant to allow marriage to last through the worst of times even if it hurts me. Love is capable of living through pain. Love and forgiveness go hand in hand for a reason. It is very difficult to maintain one without the other.
The bottom line for me was always this: I made a promise, and I put God’s name on that promise. He keeps His promises, and He wanted me to keep mine. So I did. It wasn’t easy.
On December 31st I was married, and on January 1st I was… not.
That’s a pretty short sentence, but there’s a lot to process in spite of that. There are 30 years of habits and expectations to change. Thirty years of thought and emotion that I now have to merge into someone new. Thirty years of stuff to work through to figure out exactly what kind of man I am, because in the end I’m really not too sure right now. I have to learn how to relate to people differently, because my responsibilities have changed so drastically. There are times in almost every day where I find myself understanding how different things really are now. All the decisions I make are now my own. There is no one to share responsibility or enthusiasm with.
I am one.
A friend described my life at this point as a race. This part of my life is at an end, and I have finished this race, but I didn’t get the prize. The prize would have been to see my wife happy and whole. I know she has both of those things now; I just didn’t get to see it.
It is the nature of races that when you cross the finish line at the end of one race there is another waiting to be run, but you don’t run a race that you haven’t trained for.
I believe that God created me to be Sue’s husband. I believe that He made me to be uniquely suited to that role. Now that role no longer exists, and I have to discover what He has in store for me with the qualities He has instilled in me. I do truly believe that whatever He has placed within me has made me a better man than I was, but I have to figure out what to do with that, and when to do it.
So I guess I’m back in training for the next race, just not quite ready to go yet.
©Dan Bode 2012
I know this to be true.
I know because my wife died on December 31st. She took her own life when she lost hope. She did not die happy, although I know that she is happy now. I know this because she knew a risen Lord who promised her peace, and He always keeps His promises.
When someone dies they leave behind a lot of stuff. Some things that others will find useful and some no one will know what to do with. All of them held some significance to a life now absent here, and it is up to those of us who remain to sift through them all to understand their value.
A prominent aspect of going through all this is dealing with all the accumulated dust that coats anything left untouched for a significant period.
Dust has a purpose. It marks the passage of time, and movement, or lack of it, regarding the things we hold on to. I wonder sometimes if in some way it even has preservative qualities since there’s often so much of it.
There are things on shelves up too high to be easily seen or reached, and therefore summarily forgotten. There are things in the dark corners of the closets similarly removed from our normal range of senses. There are some things you can’t believe you’ve forgotten, and some things you wish you didn’t have to recall.
And then there are the ashes.
The last vestiges of the physical form.
We spread the ashes at an island where she last seemed truly happy. The waters took her on the tides, and she was really gone. Human ashes are different from what I expected. They are white and granular and they don’t really dissolve as I expected them to. They formed a cloud in the water when I poured them, almost as if she was hesitant to leave. I think it was in that moment that I discovered that I loved her more than I thought.
The last few years of our life together were marked by a steady decline in her mental and emotional state that led to a lot of acrimony. Her life was difficult at best. She suffered from many ailments both real and imagined. At the end nothing I did to help was helping her, and she would do nothing to help herself. Her doctor’s ran every test they could and came up empty.
To be completely honest it was often difficult to say we liked each other, but we both understood the meaning of 1Corinthians 13 when, in describing the qualities of love, Paul says that, “Love endures,...Love never fails”. We always loved each other.
Real love defies the logic of this world. Real love has never been about meeting my own needs. It could never survive any conflict if it was. Real Love, as God created it, is meant to allow marriage to last through the worst of times even if it hurts me. Love is capable of living through pain. Love and forgiveness go hand in hand for a reason. It is very difficult to maintain one without the other.
The bottom line for me was always this: I made a promise, and I put God’s name on that promise. He keeps His promises, and He wanted me to keep mine. So I did. It wasn’t easy.
On December 31st I was married, and on January 1st I was… not.
That’s a pretty short sentence, but there’s a lot to process in spite of that. There are 30 years of habits and expectations to change. Thirty years of thought and emotion that I now have to merge into someone new. Thirty years of stuff to work through to figure out exactly what kind of man I am, because in the end I’m really not too sure right now. I have to learn how to relate to people differently, because my responsibilities have changed so drastically. There are times in almost every day where I find myself understanding how different things really are now. All the decisions I make are now my own. There is no one to share responsibility or enthusiasm with.
I am one.
A friend described my life at this point as a race. This part of my life is at an end, and I have finished this race, but I didn’t get the prize. The prize would have been to see my wife happy and whole. I know she has both of those things now; I just didn’t get to see it.
It is the nature of races that when you cross the finish line at the end of one race there is another waiting to be run, but you don’t run a race that you haven’t trained for.
I believe that God created me to be Sue’s husband. I believe that He made me to be uniquely suited to that role. Now that role no longer exists, and I have to discover what He has in store for me with the qualities He has instilled in me. I do truly believe that whatever He has placed within me has made me a better man than I was, but I have to figure out what to do with that, and when to do it.
So I guess I’m back in training for the next race, just not quite ready to go yet.
©Dan Bode 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Security
I have discovered that there are certain moments and places when I feel so “secure”, so “safe”, so “loved” that I just don’t want to lose it at all. But like everything in this world these are things to be “glimpsed” rather than fully lived. They are places of refuge in a chaotic world.
One of those places is the arms of a child. Whoever would have thought security could be found in such a small circle? I have discovered that when one of my grandchildren gives me a hug I would rather just stay there. With their arms around my neck, and their head resting on my shoulder I can find no good reason for me to move. I want time to stop right there.
It was the same way when my daughters were little. Even now as adults I find that simply knowing that I have their enduring love and trust inspires me to greater things. Two of the greatest feelings I think a parent can have is when a child simply puts her arms around your neck and holds on, and when they fall asleep in your arms. It shows that someone is willing to put their complete trust in you whether you feel worthy of that trust or not. When a child falls asleep in your arms you realize at some fundamental level that they have just placed their life in your hands. And at that same level you make a commitment to protect his or her life at the cost of your own if necessary, just because you know they trust you. This is why the betrayal of a child’s trust is so horrendous, and why the punishment for it should be just as severe.
When a child asks the big questions in life that occur to them (usually at inopportune times) they trust that we will have the answers regardless of their difficulty.
Our children do not consider whether we deserve their trust, they simply give it. They do not understand that our answers may be incorrect, and that they are based on our own limited knowledge of the creation in which we live. We are the sole source of their knowledge until they reach a point where they obtain the tools to gain it on their own.
I have to wonder if this is one of the things that Jesus was talking about when He admonished the disciples for attempting to keep the children away from Him. He asks us to be like children in order to come to Him. He is, in effect, simply saying, “Trust me.” And when He called the His most frequently used phrase was made up of two words, “Follow Me.” And they did. They left everything they knew because they suddenly knew Him better. They trusted Him for the simple fact that they recognized Him as the One Who Loves Us.
He will never victimize you.
His love for you will never be less than complete.
We begin a new year. My prayer for you right this minute and throughout your life is that you will begin again with the knowledge of His limitless love for you. That you will learn to live a new life according to His view of you rather than your own.
His image of you is perfect.
He sees you as He made you to be.
I pray that you will see the love in His eyes as He gazes at you while you fall asleep in His arms.
I pray for you, and for me, that we will learn to live His life as our own.
©2011 Dan Bode
One of those places is the arms of a child. Whoever would have thought security could be found in such a small circle? I have discovered that when one of my grandchildren gives me a hug I would rather just stay there. With their arms around my neck, and their head resting on my shoulder I can find no good reason for me to move. I want time to stop right there.
It was the same way when my daughters were little. Even now as adults I find that simply knowing that I have their enduring love and trust inspires me to greater things. Two of the greatest feelings I think a parent can have is when a child simply puts her arms around your neck and holds on, and when they fall asleep in your arms. It shows that someone is willing to put their complete trust in you whether you feel worthy of that trust or not. When a child falls asleep in your arms you realize at some fundamental level that they have just placed their life in your hands. And at that same level you make a commitment to protect his or her life at the cost of your own if necessary, just because you know they trust you. This is why the betrayal of a child’s trust is so horrendous, and why the punishment for it should be just as severe.
When a child asks the big questions in life that occur to them (usually at inopportune times) they trust that we will have the answers regardless of their difficulty.
Our children do not consider whether we deserve their trust, they simply give it. They do not understand that our answers may be incorrect, and that they are based on our own limited knowledge of the creation in which we live. We are the sole source of their knowledge until they reach a point where they obtain the tools to gain it on their own.
I have to wonder if this is one of the things that Jesus was talking about when He admonished the disciples for attempting to keep the children away from Him. He asks us to be like children in order to come to Him. He is, in effect, simply saying, “Trust me.” And when He called the His most frequently used phrase was made up of two words, “Follow Me.” And they did. They left everything they knew because they suddenly knew Him better. They trusted Him for the simple fact that they recognized Him as the One Who Loves Us.
He will never victimize you.
His love for you will never be less than complete.
We begin a new year. My prayer for you right this minute and throughout your life is that you will begin again with the knowledge of His limitless love for you. That you will learn to live a new life according to His view of you rather than your own.
His image of you is perfect.
He sees you as He made you to be.
I pray that you will see the love in His eyes as He gazes at you while you fall asleep in His arms.
I pray for you, and for me, that we will learn to live His life as our own.
©2011 Dan Bode
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Gifts
There were so many unknowns right from the beginning.
Mary was a young woman, unmarried and pregnant in a culture that, in many cases, stoned to death those caught in adultery. Still, even knowing and accepting this practice as a product of this same culture, her first response is not one of fear but puzzlement, “How can this be since I am a virgin?” Luke 1:34
The Jews had been waiting for the Messiah’s birth for thousands of years. Most women wanted to have the honor of being the one to give birth to Him, but I doubt they thought He would come in this manner.
Even after time to reflect on the situation where most would agonize over it her response was one of the most beautifully heartfelt paeans of praise recorded in scripture:
The Magnificat (Luke 1:46-56)
And Mary said:
"My soul exalts the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
"For He has had regard for the humble state of His bond slave;
For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.
"For the Mighty One has done great things for me;
And holy is His name. …”
Joseph, a carpenter, well liked in his community, stops to wonder how his betrothed could possibly have done this? Did he wonder how she could come up with such a story? Did he look around with suspicion at the other men in his community and wonder which of them could be the father?
And yet, after just a dream, he believes God, and in turn chooses to believe Mary. His trust in the reassurances of God led to his trust in Mary.
“And Joseph awoke from his sleep and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and took Mary as his wife, but kept her a virgin until she gave birth to a Son; and he called His name Jesus.” (Matthew 1:24-25) He “kept her a virgin” implies that he believed she was a virgin still, and therefore believed what God had told him in his dream.
What a truly astounding man Joseph must have been to be chosen to raise the Son of God! I have so many questions for him!
And after all of this they are forced to undertake a journey to Bethlehem for a census. When they started their journey to Bethlehem did they see the star? Did they look at the sky in awe, or did they have their eyes constantly on the road ahead? Were they aware that it had anything to do with their child? Did they realize it was a sign for others?
The birth of Christ was the greatest Gift ever given, but for all of us, not just for Mary and Joseph. I wonder sometimes just when did they start to see this unfolding series of events as the Gift? Did they understand what it cost God to give it as they dealt with all its ramifications in their own world?
Do I?
Not a chance.
The list of the gifts of God in scripture is rather long, and generous as well if you look at them merely from the standpoint of numbers. God gives us gifts that are a part of His essence. He gives us something that is not separate from Himself. The Gifts of God are a living part of Him, and they remain alive within us.
When we give gifts they are not predicated on any sacrifice of ourselves. We spend money to buy something someone wants (hopefully). Our concept of “gifting” does not generally include giving something that is precious to us. We take something that exists somewhere and pass it along. We rarely make it our own. It is really more like a transaction than anything else.
Yet when God gives us gifts we are empowered on His behalf to make something ultimately better in this world for someone else, but in His case the gift is never separated from Him, and therefore maintains our connection to Him whenever we use it.
Perhaps it is not so much what we give, as it is that it be given willingly. When the Wise Men came they brought gifts fit for a king, but I wonder if they realized that what they offered was something He already owned?
What is precious to us is precious to Him only in the sense that we have become willing to let something go, or embrace something more fully, in order to draw nearer to Him. And so what holds value to me becomes more valuable to Him because I gave it up for Him.
My pain.
My grief.
My sins
My talents.
My joys.
My loves.
And the gifts He gives to me are tools that ultimately improve my relationship with Him.
My ultimate question in this regard is this: What is the quality of the gift I give to Him?
If it all belongs to Him anyway what is the difference?
What do you give to the One who has everything? We keep applying the human concept of gift giving to God. We can never fully understand the value of the gifts of Christ. He gave us Everything, but we can only give back what He has already sacrificed everything to give us.
The greatest gift I can give to Him is to use what He has already given me for His glory up to, and including, my life.
When I was a child I wanted to give my mother a Christmas present. I had no money of my own to buy one so I had to ask her for some. And of course she had to approve the purchase, so she knew everything about my gift to her before she received it. I remember agonizing over my choice as I stood in the hardware store aisle. I bought her a clear plastic bin with a blue lid that I presented to her as a “bread box”. I don’t think that was how it was advertised as I couldn’t read at the time, but that’s how I thought it could best be used. It sat on the kitchen counter as a bread storage bin for quite some time. She chose to use the gift for the purpose it was given. In a sense my gift to her was something she already owned by the time she received it, yet what gave it worth in her eyes was the simple fact that it came from my hand with the heart of my intentional love for her.
Christ’s birth was an intentional event. It was planned to have the impact it had on Mary and Joseph. God knew what it would do to their lives. He is not oblivious to the impact His actions or gifts have on us. It takes on even greater value when we individually realize the overwhelming love for each of us that went into the choice of that Gift.
I have to wonder if God chose the Messiah to come as a baby just because the birth of a baby will always change your life. Always. He could have had Jesus just appear as an adult, but no one really likes to wait for their gift do they? If Jesus had been accepted as the Messiah by everyone from the day of His birth I have to wonder how patient the world would have been if they knew they had to wait 30 years before He would do anything. Even though they had been waiting for thousands of years already I’d be willing to bet they would have complained about it. I’m pretty sure I would have.
We never know what impact any event will have on our future, but like Mary and Joseph, we know God can take ownership of it if we let Him. In their case God had ownership from the beginning, but they acknowledged it knowing how far beyond them true understanding was.
A true gift to someone, even in human terms, has some basis in our affection for the other person to varying degrees. This is also true of God in the gifts He gives to us.
The difference is that there is no variance in the degree of love He pours out on us. His love for us is complete, total, and unconditional. When God says He loves you there is no doubt that the one and only Maker of All Things is ready and willing to cradle you in His arms.
And when He gives you The Greatest Gift, your greatest gift in return is to simply accept it. All you have to do is say “Yes”.
I look back on my childhood concept of gifts and realize that I had very well defined standards of what qualified. It all revolved around two key concepts: “need” and “want”. If I needed it (like clothes) it didn’t qualify as a gift in my mind. A gift could only be something I wanted. God, in His Gift to us, combined these concepts so that we might “want” what we really “need”. And, like the child I often still resemble, I fall asleep eagerly awaiting Christmas morning where my most desired gift will be there under the tree, the wrapping still pristine. I will tear through the wrapping and my need will be satisfied eternally. And I will fall asleep again and wake up the next morning to the same gift, wrapped the same perfect way, and open it all over again, so that my eternal “need” will be daily fulfilled with what I really “want” and just didn’t know it.
Every day is Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
©Dan Bode 2011
Mary was a young woman, unmarried and pregnant in a culture that, in many cases, stoned to death those caught in adultery. Still, even knowing and accepting this practice as a product of this same culture, her first response is not one of fear but puzzlement, “How can this be since I am a virgin?” Luke 1:34
The Jews had been waiting for the Messiah’s birth for thousands of years. Most women wanted to have the honor of being the one to give birth to Him, but I doubt they thought He would come in this manner.
Even after time to reflect on the situation where most would agonize over it her response was one of the most beautifully heartfelt paeans of praise recorded in scripture:
The Magnificat (Luke 1:46-56)
And Mary said:
"My soul exalts the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
"For He has had regard for the humble state of His bond slave;
For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.
"For the Mighty One has done great things for me;
And holy is His name. …”
Joseph, a carpenter, well liked in his community, stops to wonder how his betrothed could possibly have done this? Did he wonder how she could come up with such a story? Did he look around with suspicion at the other men in his community and wonder which of them could be the father?
And yet, after just a dream, he believes God, and in turn chooses to believe Mary. His trust in the reassurances of God led to his trust in Mary.
“And Joseph awoke from his sleep and did as the angel of the Lord commanded him, and took Mary as his wife, but kept her a virgin until she gave birth to a Son; and he called His name Jesus.” (Matthew 1:24-25) He “kept her a virgin” implies that he believed she was a virgin still, and therefore believed what God had told him in his dream.
What a truly astounding man Joseph must have been to be chosen to raise the Son of God! I have so many questions for him!
And after all of this they are forced to undertake a journey to Bethlehem for a census. When they started their journey to Bethlehem did they see the star? Did they look at the sky in awe, or did they have their eyes constantly on the road ahead? Were they aware that it had anything to do with their child? Did they realize it was a sign for others?
The birth of Christ was the greatest Gift ever given, but for all of us, not just for Mary and Joseph. I wonder sometimes just when did they start to see this unfolding series of events as the Gift? Did they understand what it cost God to give it as they dealt with all its ramifications in their own world?
Do I?
Not a chance.
The list of the gifts of God in scripture is rather long, and generous as well if you look at them merely from the standpoint of numbers. God gives us gifts that are a part of His essence. He gives us something that is not separate from Himself. The Gifts of God are a living part of Him, and they remain alive within us.
When we give gifts they are not predicated on any sacrifice of ourselves. We spend money to buy something someone wants (hopefully). Our concept of “gifting” does not generally include giving something that is precious to us. We take something that exists somewhere and pass it along. We rarely make it our own. It is really more like a transaction than anything else.
Yet when God gives us gifts we are empowered on His behalf to make something ultimately better in this world for someone else, but in His case the gift is never separated from Him, and therefore maintains our connection to Him whenever we use it.
Perhaps it is not so much what we give, as it is that it be given willingly. When the Wise Men came they brought gifts fit for a king, but I wonder if they realized that what they offered was something He already owned?
What is precious to us is precious to Him only in the sense that we have become willing to let something go, or embrace something more fully, in order to draw nearer to Him. And so what holds value to me becomes more valuable to Him because I gave it up for Him.
My pain.
My grief.
My sins
My talents.
My joys.
My loves.
And the gifts He gives to me are tools that ultimately improve my relationship with Him.
My ultimate question in this regard is this: What is the quality of the gift I give to Him?
If it all belongs to Him anyway what is the difference?
What do you give to the One who has everything? We keep applying the human concept of gift giving to God. We can never fully understand the value of the gifts of Christ. He gave us Everything, but we can only give back what He has already sacrificed everything to give us.
The greatest gift I can give to Him is to use what He has already given me for His glory up to, and including, my life.
When I was a child I wanted to give my mother a Christmas present. I had no money of my own to buy one so I had to ask her for some. And of course she had to approve the purchase, so she knew everything about my gift to her before she received it. I remember agonizing over my choice as I stood in the hardware store aisle. I bought her a clear plastic bin with a blue lid that I presented to her as a “bread box”. I don’t think that was how it was advertised as I couldn’t read at the time, but that’s how I thought it could best be used. It sat on the kitchen counter as a bread storage bin for quite some time. She chose to use the gift for the purpose it was given. In a sense my gift to her was something she already owned by the time she received it, yet what gave it worth in her eyes was the simple fact that it came from my hand with the heart of my intentional love for her.
Christ’s birth was an intentional event. It was planned to have the impact it had on Mary and Joseph. God knew what it would do to their lives. He is not oblivious to the impact His actions or gifts have on us. It takes on even greater value when we individually realize the overwhelming love for each of us that went into the choice of that Gift.
I have to wonder if God chose the Messiah to come as a baby just because the birth of a baby will always change your life. Always. He could have had Jesus just appear as an adult, but no one really likes to wait for their gift do they? If Jesus had been accepted as the Messiah by everyone from the day of His birth I have to wonder how patient the world would have been if they knew they had to wait 30 years before He would do anything. Even though they had been waiting for thousands of years already I’d be willing to bet they would have complained about it. I’m pretty sure I would have.
We never know what impact any event will have on our future, but like Mary and Joseph, we know God can take ownership of it if we let Him. In their case God had ownership from the beginning, but they acknowledged it knowing how far beyond them true understanding was.
A true gift to someone, even in human terms, has some basis in our affection for the other person to varying degrees. This is also true of God in the gifts He gives to us.
The difference is that there is no variance in the degree of love He pours out on us. His love for us is complete, total, and unconditional. When God says He loves you there is no doubt that the one and only Maker of All Things is ready and willing to cradle you in His arms.
And when He gives you The Greatest Gift, your greatest gift in return is to simply accept it. All you have to do is say “Yes”.
I look back on my childhood concept of gifts and realize that I had very well defined standards of what qualified. It all revolved around two key concepts: “need” and “want”. If I needed it (like clothes) it didn’t qualify as a gift in my mind. A gift could only be something I wanted. God, in His Gift to us, combined these concepts so that we might “want” what we really “need”. And, like the child I often still resemble, I fall asleep eagerly awaiting Christmas morning where my most desired gift will be there under the tree, the wrapping still pristine. I will tear through the wrapping and my need will be satisfied eternally. And I will fall asleep again and wake up the next morning to the same gift, wrapped the same perfect way, and open it all over again, so that my eternal “need” will be daily fulfilled with what I really “want” and just didn’t know it.
Every day is Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
©Dan Bode 2011
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